I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
