somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
