I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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