woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
