Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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