How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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