There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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