Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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