We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he thought i was a dude.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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