It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
