My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
