And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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