thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
