Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
