my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
