Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
