Screwed.edu
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
