Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
