Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
