It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
