I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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