He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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