I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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