Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
