I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
