bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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