Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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