when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
