dude i'm inner monologue high
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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