"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
