You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
