I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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