You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
