I need help removing her.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
