; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
