Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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