i would punch a child for taco bell
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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