You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
