I hate all girls vehemently.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
