just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize