last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
