you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
