i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
