Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
