Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
