Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
