i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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