help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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