these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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