no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
