When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
