I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
