We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
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