She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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