just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
