i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
