we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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