thus making me awesome and them whores
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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