Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
