you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
