i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
