I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
