he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
