I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
