I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
