ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
