its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
