We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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