So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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