The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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