still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
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