come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
