Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You were trust falling into bushes
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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