I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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