Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
