we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
