okay pat passed out under dana's car
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
