You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
