Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
