am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
