he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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