i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
