My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
