Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
