found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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