he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
