I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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