Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
