it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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