yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
