she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
