I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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