I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize