I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
