I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
