My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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