I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
