you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
