don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
