I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
