I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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