Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
